I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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