if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
