ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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