I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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