drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
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