Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
