i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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