oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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