yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
