maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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