Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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