Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
