drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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