i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
