I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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