And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
