Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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