So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
