so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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