Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
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Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
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I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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