just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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