hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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