I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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