the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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