plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
