Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
one might say we're banned from that church
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
