bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
