thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
