she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
