apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
They are going to name an STD after you.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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