Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
