do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
