dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
