There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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