I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
