worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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