I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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