I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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