You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
