I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
This is classic penis vs brain.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
