is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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