Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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