I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
