I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
