Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
