oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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