i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
