sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So much rum. So many feels.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
