did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
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Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
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Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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