what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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