i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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