he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
