break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
