Don't you send me to vm
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
