I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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