There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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