i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Too much gin, very little bucket
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Less talking, more tequila
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
