I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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