the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
