Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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