I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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