on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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