Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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