if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
The beer is more important than you right now.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
