remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Randomize
